It’s time to start talking to your children about suicide prevention.
We know it’s scary to think about bringing up the subject with your child. A common fear is that talking about suicide with kids “plants” the idea in their heads. In reality, regular and open conversations about suicide prevention can help your child feel safer and more comfortable coming to you if scary thoughts arise. Talking about suicide can help prevent it.
For many parents, starting the conversation feels like the hardest part. The mental health experts at CHOC created these tips to help you get started.
Suicide prevention conversation starters
Click on each script to read more.
“I want to talk to you about mental health.”
Talk about the importance of mental health with your child starting at a very young age and on a regular basis.
- Establish a habit of mental health check-ins with your child
- Keep an eye out for any concerns early and often
- As your child matures, be more open with the subject matter
- Use these check-ins as a chance to teach your child coping skills if they’re feeling down or stressed.
“What do you know about suicide?”
Asking directly is a good way to open the door to a longer conversation. Be sure to:
- Avoid using euphemisms
- Let them explain in their own words
- If they are unfamiliar, explain in an age-appropriate way
For younger kids, explain suicide in terms they will understand and that you feel they can handle. You could say:
- Some people feel very sad and don’t want to be alive anymore.
- Have you heard about that happening before? How does that make you feel?
- Have you ever felt like you don’t want to be alive anymore?
“What are your thoughts about suicide?”
Explore your child’s thoughts and questions in different ways.
- What do you think happens after someone dies?
- How do you feel about someone taking their own life? Do you think it’s wrong? How do you think society views suicide?
- What do you think happens after someone dies?
- How does your/our religion view suicide?
Older kids and teens might also ask you about your thoughts regarding suicide. If so, tell them. Children value adults who are honest and don’t hide things.
For young kids, explore the concept in ways they will understand. You might ask:
- Why do you think someone might want to hurt themselves?
- Have you ever felt this way?
- How does that make you feel?
Walking through age-appropriate scenarios and role-playing feelings can be a helpful tool to talk about big or difficult feelings. It can also help you teach your child healthy ways to cope.
“What do you hear about suicide at school or from your friends?”
Asking what kids hear about suicide can help take some of the pressure off of the child answering for themselves right away. You may also invite a conversation about any friends your child is worried about or help dispel any myths they’ve heard. This is also a good way for parents to gauge what young kids know or might have heard about suicide.
“How do you think you would react to feeling sad, hopeless, overwhelmed or anxious? What are some negative thoughts you’ve been having?”
Having conversations about difficult emotions before your child has them can help them develop stress relief and coping skills. Explain to your child that everyone experiences good and bad thoughts, as well as good and bad days, and that it is important to learn how to respond to these good or bad experiences and ask for help.
“You are not alone. I have felt that way before too.”
Assure your child that you understand their different emotions, even the negative ones. Asking them to talk about all of their different emotions teaches them that you are approachable and comfortable with even their most difficult or biggest feelings.
Remember: these conversation starters are meant to be guidelines; tailor them as you see fit by your child’s age and readiness.
Now that we’ve covered some ways to start the conversation, let’s look at some tips about what to do if your child expresses concerning thoughts or feelings.
Find more resources for parents and teens on our comprehensive guide to suicide prevention
How to react if your child expresses thoughts of suicide
It is normal to worry about what a conversation might bring up for your child, especially when it comes to topics like suicide and self-harm in adolescence. Try to remain calm, open, caring and honest as you talk with your child.
- Lead with love. Reassure your child that you love and support them no matter what they tell you. This can help regulate your child’s distress and ease any worries they have about feeling judged.
- Try not to get angry. It’s natural to feel strong emotions when your child tells you something scary. Kids might avoid sharing negative thoughts out of fear of making their parent angry or sad, so remaining calm can help them feel comfortable.
- Try not to lecture or scold. Instead, ask your child follow-up questions and ask them what they would like from you at that moment. Maybe they just want a hug and to hear everything is going to be OK, or maybe they want to be taken to a professional for further evaluation. Help your child communicate their needs without pressuring them.
- Keep an eye out for suicide warning signs/triggers.
- Practice coping skills your child can use to help manage or prevent suicidal thoughts.
- Prepare a plan of action and have some emergency contacts handy (9-1-1, 9-8-8, local police and fire department, and a list of local emergency rooms).
- Safety proof your home. Keeping the home environment safe and restricting access to means of self-harm (e.g. securing/locking up medications, sharp objects, alcohol, firearms/weapons, chemicals) is important, especially with children who tend to exhibit impulsivity.
- Ask if your child plans to act on these thoughts of wanting to die. If your child states that they do have a plan to die, consider taking them to the nearest emergency room or contacting 9-1-1 or a crisis hotline to receive immediate support.
- If you are not sure what to do or how to have this conversation, contact a professional and ask for guidance.
Remember, children are humans, and they can have good and bad days, just as adults do. Be kind, loving and gentle. Always assure your child that you love them and that it is your job to keep them safe and protected. Let them know they can come to you with anything, including their struggles with mental health and suicidal thoughts, so that you can help keep them safe.
For more information about having tough conversations with your child, check out some of our additional resources:
Crisis Resources
If your child expresses thoughts of wanting to harm themselves or others, call 9-1-1 or visit the nearest emergency department.
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline:
Call 9-8-8
Text any message to 9-8-8
Chat online at 988lifeline.org/chat
Crisis Text Line:
Text “HOME” to 741741
By Nazli Boroshan, CHOC mental health therapist. Nazli is an Associate Clinician Social Worker working with the Mental Health Emergency Services team at CHOC. She focuses on crisis management and crisis stabilization in the Emergency Department. Her other professional experience includes work in other crisis settings, such as psychiatric and medical hospitals, and she is trained in Family Based Crisis Intervention (FBCI), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Trauma Informed Care and Motivational Interviewing.
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