By Erica Medina, PsyD, psychology post-doctoral fellow at Rady Children’s Health Orange County
How to talk about our thoughts and feelings and strengthen communication at home
Talking openly about feelings is an important part of helping children and teens grow emotionally and socially. When parents take time to listen and talk about emotions, kids learn how to understand their feelings, cope with challenges, and bounce back from tough situations. The goal isn’t to take away difficult emotions, but to help young people express and manage them in healthy ways. The tips below can help you build strong emotional communication in your home.
1. Create a safe and supportive environment
Children and teens are more likely to share their feelings when they feel safe and accepted. Caregivers can set the tone by showing warmth, patience, and curiosity when emotions arise. Avoid dismissing or minimizing a child’s feelings (“You are fine, it’s not a big deal”). Instead, acknowledge the emotion and show empathy. A safe environment communicates that all feelings, comfortable or uncomfortable, are valid and welcome.
2. Find moments throughout the day to talk about thoughts and feelings
Opportunities for emotional conversations naturally occur throughout daily routines. Parents can label emotions during play, while reading stories, or after interactions with peers. For example, “The character looks sad because his toy broke. Have you ever felt that way?” or “Was there a moment today that made you feel excited, happy, sad, angry, worried, etc.?” These small moments help children learn the language of emotions and normalize emotional expression.
3. Model identification and expression of thoughts and emotions
Children learn by observing adults. Caregivers who openly express their own emotions in a calm and appropriate way teach children that feelings are manageable. Saying things like, “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath,” demonstrates emotional regulation and shows children effective coping strategies. Below are some tools that can be used to help caregivers model identification, expression, and coping with emotions.
Resources for caregivers to model healthy emotional skills:
- Emotions wheel (ages 8 to teens): This can help caregivers work with their children/teens to identify emotions they are experiencing.
Feelings-Wheel-Learn-How-to-Label-Your-Feelings.pdf - Emotions flashcards (ages 3 to 8): These flashcards can help caregivers explain different emotions to their younger children by offering a visual presentation of the emotion.
Emotions-Flashcards-V1.pdf - Box breathing (all ages): This exercise can help caregivers model a breathing technique for their children/teens which can help them cope with uncomfortable emotions such as worry, fear, anger.
(Ages 9-Teens) https://www.calm.com/blog/box-breathing
(Ages 3-8) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHQ7YZYRAms - TIPP (all ages): This tool helps caregivers model to their children/teens an effective way to cope with difficult emotions and improve the ability to process the emotion in a non-impulsive manner.
https://integralpsychology.net.au/tipp-skills-rapid-relief-for-intense-emotions/ - Five senses grounding tool: This tool can assist caregivers in modeling to their children/teen how to focus on the present moment to reduce uncomfortable feelings and can be practiced in any setting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30VMIEmA114
4. Listen actively and without judgment
When a child shares a feeling, caregivers should listen with full attention. Put away distractions, make eye contact, and show understanding through reflective statements such as, “It sounds like you felt left out when your friend didn’t sit with you.” Avoid rushing to give solutions or fix the problem right away. Listening first helps children feel heard and respected.
5. Validate and normalize emotions
Validation tells a child that their feelings make sense. Phrases like, “It’s okay to feel nervous before a test,” or “I can understand why that made you angry,” help children feel accepted. Normalizing emotions teaches children that feelings are a natural part of life and do not need to be hidden.
Engaging with your children and teens in these small ways throughout the day can help them feel more connected and open to their emotions. It may take time for them to learn how to identify or communicate their feelings, but implementing these steps daily can make them feel more comfortable doing so. Below are some additional resources for caregivers to explore based on the age of their child.
Resources for encouraging healthy communication at home:
- Sesame Workshop (infants to ages 5 and 6)
- Healthy Children (early childhood)
- Raising Children Network (pre-teens ages 10-13)
- Center for Parent and Teen Communication (ages 12-18)
- Respectful communication (ages 10-18)
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