How parents can help their kids accomplish tasks without immediate rewards
By Scott Ryan, licensed marriage and family therapist at CHOC’s Intensive Outpatient Program
When adults begin a task, they often plan a specific time to complete it. They may gather the necessary information and materials first. Adults usually keep working on a task even if some parts feel boring. They also try to stay flexible in case things do not go as planned. These skills together make up what we call executive functioning.
Executive functioning refers to a set of skills that are related to the part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, which is not fully developed until around age 25. Therefore, children spend much of their formative years developing this part of the brain and the skills related to attending, carrying out and completing a task.
How to improve your kids’ executive functioning
Children who have challenges in their executive functioning skills may hear messages from family, friends, and teachers that they might internalize and lead them to believe that they are “dumb”, “lazy” or “not smart enough.” Caregivers mean well, though they may not necessarily provide their child with a supportive environment when they comment, “You need to focus more!” or “Try harder.”
It is not hard to imagine that these children may begin to have genuine self-doubt about their abilities and may become more depressed or anxious regarding their performance.
The good news is that children with poor executive functioning can improve their performance by developing these skills.
Here are some ways that parents can help kids develop executive functioning skills:
- Create habits and routines. Try to structure your child’s time so that they follow the same order of tasks each day. For example, having your child brush teeth immediately after breakfast, and then put on school clothes would support effective time management. Another way to promote these routines might be to create a checklist for your child: eat breakfast, brush teeth, put on clothes, put lunch in backpack, etc. Over time, these routines may become automatic, meaning the child is able to complete the expected tasks without needing the check list.
- Create to-do lists with your child. Teach your child to create lists of things they need to do, either that day or later that week. Guide children as they decide which tasks to do first, second, or later to help them understand how to prioritize. Eventually they will use to-do lists on their own and will require less of your oversight as they learn to prioritize.
- Simplify directions. Using short sentences with clear instructions helps children understand what they need to do. An example might be to tell them, first gather your clothes from the floor, then put them in the laundry basket and bring it to me. If your child has a limited working memory, then shorter instructions are less likely to be displaced by other information and they are more likely to be successful carrying out the instructions.
- Chunk large tasks. If there is a big project or a task with many steps, help your child break it down into smaller discrete tasks, so it will feel less overwhelming to them and they are more likely to begin the task, rather than avoiding it.
- Create a reward system. Children with executive functioning deficits may need bigger and more frequent rewards to complete tasks. They often struggle with incidental learning. For example, they may have difficulty connecting actions with outcomes, like “I do this and then I get that.” They also may find it hard to wait for rewards and need more immediate reinforcers. Frequent praise may work for some children, and others may need something more tangible. The reward needs to be large enough to genuinely motivate them to complete the work, and provided immediately when they complete the task. There are many factors when creating a rewards system, so you may want to consider working with a mental health provider if your system is not working satisfactorily.
- Allow for frequent breaks. A child with executive functioning deficits may benefit from frequent breaks, as this may help them regulate their mood, maintain their focus, and help them persist on tasks that may take a while to complete. Ideally, breaks should be brief and limited to five to ten minutes. They should not be so rewarding—like playing video games—that children have trouble returning to less-interesting tasks.
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What is executive functioning?
People often compare executive functioning to an air traffic controller who controls planes landing and taking off. The air traffic controller needs to pay attention to multiple details, start actions, prioritize important steps, ignore distractions (such as other conversations in the room), regulate their own emotions and persist even if work becomes tiresome.
Everyday examples of executive functioning in action
Driving a car requires making many decisions. This is another example of why executive functioning skills matter. First, you need to know your destination and the purpose of your drive (initiation). You must pay attention to the road and other drivers around you.
You should resist impulses to speed up or run a yellow light (inhibition). Ignore distractions like conversations or people walking on the sidewalk. Focus mainly on cars stopped in front of you, traffic lights, and traffic flow (prioritization). If you get stuck in traffic, you must be patient and wait for your destination (persistence).
Understanding the building blocks of executive functioning
Our executive functioning system regulates the flow of information and emotions. It helps us maintain focus on tasks. It prioritizes what needs to be done and keeps us organized. Many people find they struggle with some of these skills.
Consider all the small steps that go into specific actions. Many of us take these skills for granted. When we break them down, we can better understand how deficiencies in one or more skills can genuinely impact performance. Our brains must ignore distractions, shift attention from one task to another, regulate emotions, start tasks promptly, plan and organize materials and time, hold multiple pieces of information at once, and give ourselves effective feedback on our progress. Wow! That is a lot!
When your child has challenges with executive functioning
These skills are important and essential to knowing what to do, when to do it, and how to push ourselves to do what is needed even if is not immediately rewarding. Although challenges in executive functioning are related to some mental health diagnoses, these difficulties are not a diagnosis itself.
Many children with ADHD have executive functioning deficits. Some children with learning disorders also have these difficulties. Additionally, children without mental health disorders may still struggle with task execution and attention.
Children who have challenges with their executive functioning may:
- Have trouble beginning or completing tasks, like homework or a chore.
- Frequently lose things or be very disorganized.
- Act impulsively, interrupt others, say the things that most people filter.
- Appear lazy or unmotivated to do things in general or avoid tasks that require sustained attention.
- Have difficulty regulating their emotions.
- Lose track of time, be late or don’t plan for time commitments.
Your child may protest daily about doing homework, causing tears and frustration. They might also take hours to finish homework that another child of the same age and grade could complete in 30 minutes.
Maybe your child frequently distracts themselves and loses track when a task includes more than a few steps. You may also need to constantly prompt your child to remember things (for example, their lunch and homework) or feel that you need to repeat directions multiple times for them to do what you ask of them.
Executive functioning key points
Executive functioning is a set of mental actions that help us manage tasks and attention. These skills help us notice details and begin tasks effectively. They also help us organize steps and stay focused on one task at a time. Executive functioning helps us keep going, even when a task feels boring. It also allows us to connect actions with outcomes, like earning a reward for completing a task.
Children with difficulties in executive functioning may appear to be lazy, avoid tasks that require sustained attention, display a low frustration tolerance, not complete tasks, or miss important steps, have difficulty focusing on what is important at the moment and may be more likely to express strong emotions.
However, children with these challenges can improve their executive functioning through parental support and development of executive functioning skills. If you are finding as a parent that these tips listed above are not sufficient to support your child, please consider enlisting professional support through your mental health provider.
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