Bullying

Tips for parents and caregivers of children who are being bullied

CHOC offers the following tips to help you start a conversation with your child about bullying, as well as guidelines to help you and your child combat bullying.

Build self-esteem and confidence

Provide your child with chances to develop supportive friendships. Arrange playdates for younger kids and help adolescents connect with same-age peers both inside and outside of school. Monitor relationships for positive social behaviors, such as balanced give and take.

Be aware of your child’s experiences at school

Talk with your child about what happens at school and ensure that they tell you about both positive and negative things that happen daily. Ask them open-ended questions. Regular communication ensures that children are comfortable sharing when they are having social challenges. Monitor your child’s online activity closely and restrict access to apps and websites if necessary.

Help your child recognize the signs of bullying

Have conversations about bullying. Ask questions like, What does bullying mean? Why do people bully? Who is a trusted adult that you could talk to if you witness or experience bullying? Educate your child about appropriate behaviors, both online and offline.

When your child reports bullying to you, convey unconditional support

Let them know that they don’t deserve to be bullied and that you are there to help. Tell your child you will work together to take the steps to stop bullying.

Facilitate problem-solving

Assist your child in defining the problem and the desired outcome, such as stopping bullying at school. Help your child make a list of possible solutions to the problem and select one to try.

Create an action plan with your child

Help your child come up with some good ways of responding and moving forward if they see or experience bullying. Plan out some safe ways to act in dangerous situations. Suggest your child walk with peers or other adults if they feel intimidated. Encourage your child to contact you via phone if needed. Identify other adults your child can safely contact if necessary.

Involve the school and seek professional help if needed

Check on anti-bullying policies and programs the school may have. Write down objective information about bullying incidents. Talk to teachers and administrators to resolve the situation.

If your child is showing high levels of distress and is having difficulty coping with being bullied, seek mental health services. If you feel like your child is a danger to themselves (e.g. shows warning signs of wanting to hurt or kill themselves) contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 9-8-8 to obtain crisis counseling and local referrals. Take your child to the nearest emergency department if they are in immediate danger of harming themselves.

Encourage help-seeking

Roleplay with your child and think about how to react and how to report the problem to school staff if bullying is happening at school. For cyberbullying, encourage your child to tell you if anything that happens online makes them feel scared, uncomfortable or confused.

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Anti-bullying tips for kids and teens

More than 70% of young people say they have seen bullying in their schools. Kids and teens who are bullied can experience physical and mental health issues and problems at school. Here are some tips on how to deal with being bullied.

You have the right to ask for help to stop bullying

Tell a trusted adult what is happening; it is not tattling or snitching. Adults can help you think of ideas to stop bullying and may implement a plan to ensure your safety and well-being. If you feel constantly sad or overwhelmed and have a hard time recovering from bullying, an adult can help you get in touch with a counselor or therapist to help. You do not have to deal with it alone.

Respond neutrally and respectfully

Avoid doing anything that might escalate the situation. Actions aimed at changing the behavior of the bully, such as fighting, getting back at them, telling them to stop or yelling are likely to make things worse. Change the topic of conversation and respond using a calm and neutral tone so that the bully is not encouraged to continue to harass you (e.g. “I have to go now because my friend is waiting for me”).

Avoid the bully

Take a different path to class. Pretend you didn’t hear the bully and walk away. Be mindful when using online chats or applications where the bully might be able to reach you. Enhance your privacy settings so that the bully cannot contact you or see your online profiles.

Act confident

Stand tall, use a calm and clear voice and make eye contact if someone tries to bully you. Bullies are less likely to continue bullying if they realize you are confident and not easily bothered, so try to avoid showing the bully you are feeling distressed by their words or actions. However, if a bully is behaving dangerously or makes you feel uncomfortable or scared, always tell an adult.

Remember that no one ever deserves to be bullied

Bullying is never your fault! You didn’t do anything to deserve to be bullied. Bullies always have their own motives for treating others poorly. For example, they might not know how to interact with peers appropriately, or they are not actively monitored by their parents. Not fitting in is not a reason for being bullied. Embrace and continue to develop the hobbies or characteristics that set you apart. True friends will admire your unique traits.

Develop supportive relationships with other children at school

Spend time with peers who can support you if you are feeling upset. Many children enjoy being kind to others and are willing to include others in activities. Treat others with kindness and respect to model how you would like to be treated.

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