How community connections can support children and adults
By Dr. Sheila Modir, PhD, ABPP, CHOC pediatric psychologist
When feeling overwhelmed, seeking support from your community can be a powerful stress management tool. Community is a broad term. It can mean your workplace environment, university setting, neighborhood, personal social circle, family, or cultural background and identity. However you define it, it is great to have people and environments to count on when things get tough.
In fact, research has found that there are many benefits to having community support. Scientists have found that people who engage in supportive relationships are less likely to get sick or to die early. Social relationships help with decreasing sadness and stress, improving your heart health, boosting your self-esteem, and helping manage obesity. These relationships help you build positive habits like exercising together or choosing healthier foods to eat. The comfort that a community can bring is important, but how do you go about forming a community?
First, let’s examine what the communities around you are. Take a moment to reflect on who is in your and in your child’s life. Now, think about how their presence impacts you and your child. Below are some examples of communities that can help you with this reflective activity:
- Personal community
- Family members beyond parent/caregiverFriendsTeachersLibrariansMentors
- Babysitters/nannies
- Extended community
- Faith-based or cultural groupSchoolWorkClubs or organizationsSports
- Online groups
Caregiver-child community
As parents and caregivers, one of the most important communities is the one you have with your child. This is the first supportive bond that a child will experience, and it will shape how they build other relationships later in life.
One way of enhancing this bond is by spending time together. Although it may feel like you spend a lot of time together, “special” time is different. It’s a time when you are completely focused on your child – 100%. It can be for five minutes, or for longer. It is up to you! During this time, there are no distractions, and you are fully playing with your child and engaging with them.
For younger children, special time can be shorter time focused on play, such as building Legos or Magnatiles together, playing with dolls, or coloring. For older children, special time can be longer and may be a time when you’re doing an activity together like playing soccer, going on a hike, browsing a bookstore, or getting your nails done.
Making this time part of your routine is important because it will be something you both can look forward to and can enhance the relationship!
Building your child’s community
The next step is to help your child begin building a community with others outside of the family. A community with members outside of your family can help a child develop a sense of belonging and support. Additionally, having a community outside their home can allow children to try new things and grow. Here are some ways to help build community for your child:
- Volunteering together: Helping your child learn about the community they live in and how to make a positive and lasting impact in their community is crucial. Below are a few examples of how they can do that:
- Organizing a food drive for a local food bankContributing to a Little Free LibraryHelping at a local animal shelterCollecting donations for your local children’s hospitalSpending time with the elderly at a senior center or nursing homeDonating art supplies to a homeless shelter for childrenDecorating a senior center or homeless shelter for a holidayOffering to rake leaves for a neighbor
- Offering to walk a neighbor’s dog
- Exploring nature: There are different ways to teach your child about the neighborhood or city they live in, and it starts by going outside and exploring. Please keep in mind that this depends on your community, as well as your level of safety and comfort in your neighborhood. Here are some ways to engage in nature and show your child how to contribute to and grow within their community:
- Starting a nature-themed club at school
- Joining a hiking club for families
- Planting flowers for a neighbor or in a communal neighborhood area
- Hosting a barbeque at a park
- Planning outdoor games in a park with friends
- Attending nature-themed events or festivals that your city holds
- Joining clubs: Some communities hold activities for children, like sports teams, arts and crafts, or scouting groups. Participating in these activities can help your child develop social skills and learn how to solve problems. In addition, they will meet new people and have the opportunity to have new experiences. Here are some ideas to get started:
- Taking art, dance, or cooking through your city. Visit your city’s website to see what courses and activities they offer.
- Finding a local support group for your child as they navigate life’s ups and downs (i.e., grief and loss, new diagnosis of a medical illness). For example, PADRE foundation has educational resources and groups for teens with Type 1 diabetes.
- Encourage engagement in school: School doesn’t have to just be a place to learn. For many children, it is their second home or community. With school comes access to things like school plays, clubs, or sporting events. Encourage your child to try something new every academic year. As for caregivers, there are different ways to get involved in your child’s school, such as volunteering for classroom projects, field trips, fundraising, or getting involved in school governance and PTA.
- For other resources:
- Call 2-1-1 or go to 211.org
- Visit: CHOC FindHelp
Helping build your own community
As parents and caregivers, it is important to have your own network of support that you can turn to for help. But sometimes, it can be hard to know where you can go to find your group of people. Here are some ways to connect with others:
- Volunteering: Identify a cause that you are passionate about and get involved by volunteering. For example, animal shelters often need people to help walk dogs or play with the animals, or local food banks need help organizing, stocking shelves and greeting people. This will help connect you with others who share similar interests and values.
- Exercising: Exercise is good for your physical and mental health, and it’s also a great place to meet others. Are there yoga, Pilates, or swimming classes that you can join?
- Engage with your community: Join a faith-based or cultural organization. Look in your local library’s monthly calendar for events and meet-ups. Ask your local bookstore if they have an ongoing book club you can join.
- Reconnecting: Make an effort to reach out to old friends, co-workers, or neighbors. Set a goal for yourself to grab coffee, go for a walk, or get lunch with someone at least two times a month.
- Using online groups and classes: There are a lot of online communities that help you stay connected with friends and family and open you up to new people. For example, there are communities dedicated to topics like grief and loss, planning trips, or caregiving support. They bring together people who are going through similar life experiences from all over the world. There are also college and university extension classes that are another avenue for building community based on education.. The key to making connections online is to stick to safe and reputable sites and use common sense when it comes to meeting anyone offline.
Community is such an essential part of our belonging, support, and shared experiences. We turn to our community to celebrate our wins and to help us grieve our losses. For children, community plays an important role in their development and builds skills like resilience, communication, empathy, and cultural understanding. These skills are important, as they will all help contribute to their growth as compassionate adults.
