The parent-child relationship is often the first supportive bond that a child will experience, and it will serve as a model for other relationships later in life. This bond can be created through simple actions like cuddling with your child or providing language to express their feelings.
The First Five website includes various bonding activities that combine play, which can help your child explore their world while feeling close to you. Below are examples of these activities across different ages.
Baby relationship building
Cuddle time
- Skin-to-skin snuggles: When it’s warm, dress the baby in their diaper and they can feel your warm touch as you hold them. You can gently rub your baby’s back, stroke their arms and legs, and give them sweet kisses.
- Purpose: Helps build trust and love between baby and adult, builds baby’s awareness of their body
Use your voice
- In the morning, greet your baby with a big smile: “Good morning my little love, I’m so happy to see you!”
- Rock them in your arms and sing silly songs or read them colorful stories. Talk to them in a gentle voice, even if they can’t talk back yet. They’ll love hearing your voice!
- Purpose: To show the baby how special and important they are to you.
1-year-old relationship building
Building routines
- Routines are an important part of relationship building because they help the child feel safe and know what to expect from you.
- For example, a nighttime routine can consist of: Dinner, bath, new diaperpajamas, bedtime story, bedtime song, and goodnight!
Narrate your routine
Next, I’m going to put on your shirt, then I am going to put your arms through the sleeves. Now a kiss for each hand!
Sharing
This is a time when you can help your child build relationships with others. You can help build their sharing muscle in small ways, like the two of you sharing a snack and your child sharing a piece of the snack with you. Praise your child when they share: “Thank you for sharing your snack with me! That was so nice of you!”
2-year-old relationship building
This is a great time to help build your child’s feelings vocabulary. When they can express to you how they are feeling, this helps build their communication and relationship with you.
- With your little one, stand in front of a mirror and practice different expressions with your face and body:
- I am happy!
- I am sad and crying.
- I am mad.
- You can narrate different emotions that you see them express. For example, if you see a character on a TV show, you can describe how they are feeling.
- For example, “You are so excited to go swimming!” or “Hank is feeling really sad that he lost his lucky shovel.”
3-year-old relationship building
Taking turns
Children learn by watching you! Show them how you take turns doing things. For example, when you’re driving, you can say that you are waiting at the stop light and you’re waiting for it to turn green because that means it is your turn to go. Other ways to take turns include:
- You pick out a book to read for bedtime; then your child picks out a book to read
- Point out times when you see other children take turns while playing on the playground. Then, when your child takes a turn, label it and praise them for it!
Building confidence
Engaging your child in simple household tasks helps them gain confidence as they practice these tasks. If there are specific tasks that are already part of your routine, try to find a way to include them in it. Make sure to praise them for helping. Another fun thing to do is to make a sticker chart and hang it somewhere where they can see. For every chore they do, add a sticker!
For example:
- Picking up toys for cleanup time.
- Wiping up spills.
- Throwing away trash.
- Watering plants.
4- to 5-year-old relationship building
Reinforcing positive actions
Children engage in positive things throughout the day, but sometimes we don’t notice. It is important for us to say something when we see something. For example, if you notice your child being gentle with their sibling, praise them for it. You can say, “You are playing so gently with your little sister. She is having such a great time with you. I love watching you two play together!”
Expressing themselves
Children are still learning about their feelings, and this is a great way to help teach them about it. You can help your child understand the big feelings they are experiencing by naming their feelings. With practice, your child can learn how to use their words to express their feelings.
- “I see some tears and crying. You look sad.”
- “That was scary when you fell. Would you like a hug to help you feel better?”
Relationship-building for all ages
“Serve and return”
This describes back-and-forth interactions between you and your child. For example, when babies or young kids make sounds, gestures, or cry, and adults respond with eye contact, words, or hugs, it helps their brains grow. Parents paying attention to their child’s reactions and needs can create a lot of chances for this back-and-forth. This helps children get better at talking and socializing because their brains make strong connections. Below are 5 steps for engaging in “serve and return:”
- Notice the “serve” and share the child’s focus of attention. Is your child looking at something or pointing at it? Pay attention to what they are focused on.
- Return the “serve” by supporting and encouraging. You can make a sound or say, “I see!” to what they are pointing to. Let the child know you’re noticing the same thing.
- Name what the child is seeing, doing, or feeling. For example, “You noticed those ducks!” or “You’re feeling sad that the ducks swam away.”
- Take turns…and wait. How is the child reacting? What are they saying? Keep the interaction going back and forth. For example, if they keep pointing at the ducks, you can keep narrating what’s happening, “You’re happy the ducks are swimming back again!”
- The child will signal when they’re done or ready to move on to something new. Follow their lead.
- To read more about this, please visit here.
Show your child you are listening
No matter the age, when your child talks to you, they want to be heard. You want to ensure that when this happens, you aren’t distracted by TV or the phone and you’re paying attention to them.
You can ask them follow-up questions like “Then what happened?” or “What did they say?” Pay attention to the feeling behind the story. You can say things like, “You seem excited about this news!” or “That sounds frustrating.”
Spending “special” time together
Although it feels like you spend a lot of time together, “special” time is different. It’s a time when you are completely focused on your child – 100%. It can be for five minutes, or for longer. It is up to you!
During this time, there are no distractions, and you are fully playing with your child and engaging with them. For younger children, special time can be shorter time focused on play, such as building Legos or Magnatiles together, playing with dolls, or coloring.
For older children, special time might be longer, and it might involve an activity together like playing soccer, going on a hike, browsing a bookstore, or getting your nails done. Making this time part of your routine is important because it will be something you both can look forward to and can really enhance the relationship!
Let them teach you about their interests
Sometimes, the age gap between a parent and their child can feel huge, and it might feel hard to relate to what your child is interested in. But this makes it the perfect opportunity to let your child teach you about their current passion or hobby. Find out what they are an expert in and ask open-ended questions to encourage conversation.
