When your child experiences a stressor, knowing what to say or how to respond may be difficult. Most importantly, you are there for your child during this challenging time. Below is some guidance that you can use to help communicate with your child. Through modeling, you can show them how to handle stress with resilience and confidence.
Don’t be afraid
Let the child lead the conversation. When the child brings it up or seems to be thinking about it, providing space for open discussions is important. Let your child ease into talking about the event at their own pace. Listen to them and answer questions developmentally appropriately, while also providing comfort.
Children do not benefit from ‘putting it out of their minds.’ Talk about the stressful situation in a calm manner. If a child feels that their parents are upset about the event, they will not want to talk about it. This may make the child’s recovery even more difficult.
Listen and support
We often have no adequate explanations for senseless deaths or traumatic events. In the end, just listening to and comforting your child will have long-lasting positive effects on your child’s ability to cope with stressors or a traumatic event. It’s okay to let children see that you are sad or upset, especially when you name the emotions you are experiencing for them (e.g. “I’m feeling sad that our dog died because I will miss him so much”). It helps the child increase their emotional literacy and normalizes difficult feelings.
Create a sense of safety and control
Allow your child to regain a sense of control that they may have lost after a traumatic event. Parents can give the child choices on tasks, such as picking out their clothes for the day or snacks.
Keep a predictable routine going for the child that helps them feel safe. You can elicit their feedback when creating this schedule and then post it somewhere in the home where they can see it and refer to it.
Seek professional help if needed
For children who continue to show signs of trauma for months afterward, they may have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It is important to seek professional help if you are worried your child might have PTSD.
A therapist, such as a psychologist, social worker or counselor, can help your child understand and manage her moods and feelings. Effective treatments for PTSD include evidence-based therapy (such as Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or TF-CBT) or a combination of therapy and medicine.
Get immediate help if your child expresses thoughts about wanting to kill themselves, harm themselves or is saying scary things. Call 9-1-1 or bring your child to the nearest emergency department
